Run

All I want to do is run. Run fast and not look back.

I am okay being the coward who runs away from fear.

I am okay not facing it and pretending everything is okay.  Really I am.

However, I don’t have that option and can’t run.

I’ve been home from Arizona for 24-hours+ and have known about the cancer now for five days.  It still doesn’t feel any easier.

Kelly is out partying with her friends and I cannot stop crying.

Alex is completely okay with it (or so she acts) which makes me feel even more silly for being an emotional wreck.

My mom has (for the most part) stopped crying, at least in front of us.  However, I saw my dad cry for the first time in my life yesterday and that broke my heart.

We’re all hurting.  We’re all lost.  We’re all confused.

We jokingly talk about death, reminding Kelly what we want in her will, etc. It takes the edge off a bit…for the moment we feel normal.  Humor is getting us through this.

The love and support that has been outreached to Kelly and my family is mind boggling.  Everyone is being so nice, kind and giving.

The phone is ringing off the hook (as it rings now) and I just have to let it ring, I’m not ready to tell the story all over again. I’m not ready to cry again.

It amazes me with all the love and support we’re receiving how I can still feel so depressed and alone.  Ask anyone, I am anything but a depressed person.  I’m normally outgoing, loud and obnoxious are normal choice adjectives people associate with me.  Lately I don’t want to talk to anyone, I want to just lay in bed.  That feels good.

*Sigh* the phone just rang again.  Thankfully Alex answered it.

Meeting up with my mom and Alex for lunch at our favorite restaurant, then out for some retail therapy after.

I plan on running away again today.  Maybe tomorrow I’ll be more ready to face reality.

26 Responses to Run
  1. Julie K
    April 13, 2012 | 11:28 AM

    We are all thinking of you and you family and sending prayers. Take time to process everything and know your friends are here and thinking of you:)….and keep writing it will help.

    • Cori
      Twitter: Corisbigmouth
      April 13, 2012 | 9:32 PM

      Thank you, Julie.
      Cori recently posted..Run

  2. Kami B
    April 13, 2012 | 11:28 AM

    Hang in there Cori. I know this is not an easy time for you and your family. I went through the whole cancer thing with my mom and I know how difficult those feelings are to process inside of yourself. Remember through all of this that God loves you and he is there for you. Crying is totally fine. It helped me out every now and again just to get a good cry session in. One day at a time. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you or your family. Or if you ever want to talk. Love ya girl. Sending prayers your guys’ way.

    • Cori
      Twitter: Corisbigmouth
      April 13, 2012 | 9:33 PM

      Thank you for reminding me it’s okay to cry. Crying definitely helps a lot!
      Cori recently posted..Run

  3. Julia M
    April 13, 2012 | 11:59 AM

    I love you!

    • Cori
      Twitter: Corisbigmouth
      April 13, 2012 | 9:34 PM

      I love you right back! thanks for taking such good care of me when I got the news and continue to be so supportive every day. XOXO

  4. Tiffany
    April 13, 2012 | 8:56 PM

    running away is perfectly acceptable. I’d just encourage you to try to run in the right direction. This is big, but God and His plan is infinitely bigger. I’ll run with you if you need…

    • Cori
      Twitter: Corisbigmouth
      April 13, 2012 | 9:35 PM

      You’re the first person I would call when I felt like running away! Love you Tiffany!
      Cori recently posted..Run

  5. Caitlyn
    April 13, 2012 | 8:57 PM

    I love running away!!! You can come visit me, and then we can go somewhere fun!!! Hang in there Cori, I know it must be super tough right now, but we are here for you and your family.

    • Cori
      Twitter: Corisbigmouth
      April 13, 2012 | 9:35 PM

      Thanks Caitlyn! I appreciate your offer to runaway with me … I think we’d have so much fun!
      Cori recently posted..Run

  6. Michele
    April 13, 2012 | 8:58 PM

    When you feel like running is when you run into your friends and family who will love and support you.

    • Cori
      Twitter: Corisbigmouth
      April 13, 2012 | 9:36 PM

      This is so true Michele, thank you for the reminder!
      Cori recently posted..Run

  7. Erin E
    April 13, 2012 | 8:58 PM

    Literal running can be very therapudic. My friend Doreen has been battling cancer for a few years now. And she runs. I can’t imagine how you are feeling but know that we love and pray for your family and if you ever want to run your guts out (its less expensive than retail therapy) I’m here for you.

    • Cori
      Twitter: Corisbigmouth
      April 13, 2012 | 9:38 PM

      I’ve always wanted to run, but I am not a runner …. I admire those who can run!! Thank you for the offer :D

  8. Hanan
    April 14, 2012 | 11:25 AM

    (((HUGS)))

    • Cori
      Twitter: Corisbigmouth
      April 23, 2012 | 3:07 PM

      Thank you so much Hanan!
      Cori recently posted..A New Norm

  9. Kylee
    April 14, 2012 | 8:19 PM

    Love you all and are constantly thinking about you all! I wish we lived closer so I could come give you all a big hug! You are in our prayers.
    Love you!
    Kylee

    • Cori
      Twitter: Corisbigmouth
      April 23, 2012 | 3:08 PM

      Thank you Kylee! Love you more then you know! Wish we weren’t so far apart! xoxo
      Cori recently posted..A New Norm

  10. Melissa
    April 16, 2012 | 5:06 PM

    <3 and HUGS! I wish I could give you a big giant hug right now. I'm thinking and praying for you all right now and if you need anything, please let me know!
    Melissa recently posted..Touring Pixar Studios at the #DisneyPixarEvent

    • Cori
      Twitter: Corisbigmouth
      April 23, 2012 | 3:09 PM

      Thank you Melissa!
      Cori recently posted..A New Norm

  11. Jen
    April 17, 2012 | 7:16 PM

    I want to run with you… Hugs

    • Cori
      Twitter: Corisbigmouth
      April 23, 2012 | 3:10 PM

      I’d love to have you run with me! Thanks Jen!
      Cori recently posted..A New Norm

  12. Jackie
    April 18, 2012 | 8:44 AM

    Keep your chin up! I know that it can’t be easy for anyone but it’ll get easier and because it was caught early you have so much hope!
    Sending lots of hug & love your way!
    Jackie recently posted..Wordful Wednesday ~ Bit by the theatre bug!

    • Cori
      Twitter: Corisbigmouth
      April 23, 2012 | 3:10 PM

      THANK YOU for your support Jackie!! xoxo

  13. Leslie K.
    April 25, 2012 | 11:03 AM

    Thank you for sharing your honest thoughts, feelings, and emotions. This post has truly touched my heart and I read it aloud to Sean as we travel to his parents house. I cried with you while I read. You’re a gifted writer. And an amazing big sister. Just listen to your body. Sleep when you need to sleep and cry when you need to cry. And know that its okay to want to run away. Ill run with you if you want. Xoxoxo

    • cori
      Twitter: Corisbigmouth
      August 31, 2012 | 9:52 PM

      THANK YOU Leslie! xoxo